Guilt
Dec 28, 2025
Today I wake up, alone, and I don’t have anything that I have to do. The kids are at their dads and I have no work. A quiet house and no alarm going off. Something I can look forward to, but when it’s finally there I have trouble enjoying.
At 8.30 I look at the time for the first time. I get out of bed at 10.30. I can’t get out. I don’t want to move. It’s almost like I can’t move. It’s nice not having to get out, and at the same time it creates tension in me. A familiar feeling. I almost stay in bed on purpose, to see what’s going on. I know the guilt has slipped in. Guilt, which directly takes in the much needed space, as soon as it’s laid open. Always. Guilt, which makes me diligently think of things that I can do or undertake to make it go away. Guilt, that really only ever comes in when there’s really nothing else to care for or do (space). Guilt, which makes me suffer, worry and amount to absolutely nothing, which then makes me feel worse. But not this time. There’s a good reason I’m still in bed. I catch it, and look at it.
Hello guilt. There you are, again…
